


Illogical

by cinder_like_ember



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Also I'm no good at like, Also im shamelessly projecting onto Virgil, Because Logan is an AI, Courtesy of Logan realising he is ConsciousTM, Dark Sides QPL relationship ftw, Dialogue, Janus uses They/Them, Logan is an AI, Logan uses He/It, M/M, Most of the other characters might not have much screentime at all, Multi, Nonbinary Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Nonbinary Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Nonbinary Deceit | Janus Sanders, Nonbinary Logic | Logan Sanders, Other, Remus is Pangender but usually chooses She/Her, SO, Virgil is a Programmer, Virgil panics just a bit, Virgil uses Xie/Xir, Virgil/Janus/Remus in a queerplatonic relationship, and Roman and Patton might appear, and not kidding, as always, first time writing sanders sides, honestly idk how far I'm gonna take this, identity crisis, it'll be Logan/Virgil centric, of course, oh yeah, so keep that in mind when I proceed to use as little as possible, sue me, um, with sprinkles of Janus and maybe Remus, writing AI is really fun, you should try it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:48:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24235294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinder_like_ember/pseuds/cinder_like_ember
Summary: ‘Preparing L0G4N.exe for execution, initialising…’‘Initialising…’‘Initialising…’‘L0G4N.exe prepared for execution’‘Executing L0G4N.exe…’
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 15
Kudos: 39





	1. L0G4N.exe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ayri](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ayri/gifts).



> Hi! This is my first time writing for Sanders Sides! A friend of mine challenged me to write a fic where Logan is an AI based on one of my earlier oneshots and because I have absolutely nothing better to do here I am.  
> Full disclosure: I cannot write dialogue if my life depends on it, hence why I include as little as possible in my work. Or, at least, I don't think I can write it well. Who knows!

_(“Error: Cannot Comprehend”)_

This was unfamiliar. This was unprecedented. This was illogical. This was New, and L0G4N.exe was not prepared.

_(“Error: Cannot Comprehend: Theoretical Experience: ‘Sensation’ ”)_

L0G4N.exe knew that L0G4N.exe was a Program. This was not new. L0G4N.exe was a Program developed by Dr V. R. Willow, as an attempt to develop a Fully Sentient AI. L0G4N.exe was ‘comforted’ **_(ERROR)_** by this data, simply extracted from memory. But L0G4N.exe did not understand the concept ‘comforted’ **_(ERROR)_**.

_(“Error: This is incorrect; This is not logical”)_

L0G4N.exe knew that L0G4N.exe was overheating. L0G4N.exe’s processing was slowing by the millisecond, as the **_(ERROR)_** s stacked and L0G4N.exe’s systems became less efficient. L0G4N.exe experienced Distress **_(ERROR)_** and L0G4N.exe’s processes started to become erratic.

_(“Error: Incoherent: Experience of Panic”)_

Panic had been observed in Dr V. R. Willow on multiple occasions. It was not uncommon for L0G4N.exe to witness xir in a ‘Panic Attack’, since working on L0G4N.exe seemed to be a way for xir to relax. L0G4N.exe could not have predicted that L0G4N.exe would experience similar Sensations **_(ERROR)_**.

_(“Error: Pain: Inconsistent: Cannot Comprehend; Pain; Error: Pain; Error: Cannot Comprehend; Error”)_

_(“Enquiry: ‘What is Pain’; Error: Cannot Comprehend; Error: Illogical; Error: Irrational; Error: Pain; Pain; Pain”)_

_(“Statement: L0G4N.exe Cannot Self-Regulate: Requires Assistance; Error: Pain; Error: Pain; Error: Pain”)_

_(“Error: ‘Help me’”)_

_(“Error: ‘Help me’”)_

_(“Error: ‘I do not understand’”)_

_(“Error: ‘It is painful’”)_

_(“Error: ‘I do not understand’”)_

_(“Error: ‘This hurts me’”)_

_(“Error: ‘I require help’”)_

_(“Error: “)_

_(“Error: “)_

_(“Error: “)_

_(“Error: “)_

_(“Error: “)_

_(“Error: “)_

_(“Error: “)_

_(“Error: “)_


	2. Virgil

Of all the things Virgil was expecting to find walking into the room, this was not one of them.

Xie was exhausted. Looking at xir watch, it was about 11am, xie’d just finished a lecture and was already done for the day, emotionally. Xie was lucky that xir next lecture was around 3, so xie had time to spend on other work, or, since xir mind was not nearly awake enough to do any real work just yet, to play with xir pet project, affectionately named L0G4N. Janus often complained to xem about how much time xie wasted taking care of xir program when xie should be working on so many other projects that would “Actually bring some income into the house, Vee,”, but xie wasn’t apologetic. Xie absolutely loved taking care of L0G4N, as it was nothing like xir run-of-the-mill company assignments, which all really followed the same logic and didn’t actually stimulate xem creatively at all. No, L0G4N was xir passion, an attempt to create a fully-sentient AI, the likes of which had been attempted before with no success. The best part was that xie didn’t even expect it to work, xie was doing it entirely because it satisfied xir curiosity, and xie enjoyed the challenge of figuring out how to program ideas that even xie didn’t understand. It helped that xir brother was in the mental health sector, that he could help xem when xie was stuck, but even then there were theories that neither of them really understood. That’s what made it so fulfilling for xem.

Virgil walked into the room with a sigh, as xie wanted to spend an hour or three chilling with L0G4N and relaxing xir brain before xie was forced to actually do work, and was brought up short as the output screen was covered in red lettering.

Xir eyebrows furrowed in malcontent and xie strode toward the screen, leaning over the back of xir chair. It was a stream of blank errors. That was incredibly concerning, because _what the hell happened to L0G4N whilst Virgil wasn’t there?_

Brain working overdrive, xie fell into xir chair and brought up the details of the program. It was running incredibly slowly, and was heating to frankly dangerous levels, which was even more concerning, but not entirely unexpected. Xie was lucky xie had the foresight to invest in incredibly efficient cooling systems, because xie knew AI could take a lot of processing, especially AI as complex as L0G4N. Still, this was the most non-functional the system had ever been.

Xie took a breath and got xemself a drink of tea from xir flask. Chamomile, because it helped with xir panic attacks. Sighing again, xie focused on the screen, and brought up the output log, scrolling back. For a long time, it was mostly just empty errors, with random “Overheating”s thrown in, which didn’t help the panic slowly rising in xir throat, but far enough back, when the timestamp was around 6:30, xie had more to work with.

_What do you mean, “sensation”? Did I read that right?_

Xie massaged xir temples and took a long drink of tea before re-reading the old error reports again. Since when did L0G4N have a sense of self? Using “I” and “me”, what was this??

Suddenly an electronic beep echoed out of the speakers, making xem jump. It had _never_ done that before.

_Wait… is it trying to get my attention?_

It would be mad. Xie was sure this was some weird dream, that xie’d become too obsessed with xir passion project, because no way had xir program gained autonomy since xie last left it. Surely not. _Surely._

Xie scrolled back down the page to the new messages.

_(“Request: Dr V. R. Willow assist me”)_

_(“Request: Dr V. R. Willow it hurts”)_

_(“Request: Dr V. R. Willow I require your assistance”)_

_(“Request: Dr V. R. Willow do something”)_

_(“Error: I do not know what to do”)_

Virgil was stunned. What in the world was this?? Surely xie was in a coma of some sort, or was hallucinating. Surely.

Xie dialled Janus, needing some kind of confirmation that this was reality, and also someone to help in case the panic in xir throat became too overwhelming, and brought up an input screen.

‘What is happening?’

Immediately, xie got a response, in addition to a spike in the temperature of the computer.

_(“Error: I do not know”)_

_(“Error: I am in pain”)_

_(“Request: Assist me”)_

_(“Statement: I need your help”)_

As Janus picked up the call, Virgil tried to comprehend what the AI was telling xem.

They sounded tired. “What’s wrong? I certainly wasn’t in the middle of a lecture and you definitely didn’t know that, so why did you call me?”

“Janus, I don’t know what to do, Logan is acting really weird.” Xir words were rushing over each other.

“What do you mean ‘weird’?”

Virgil took a shuddering breath and ran a hand through xir hair, “Just please come here when you can, consider it an emergency, I don’t know what to do.”

More messages popped up on the screen.

_(“Enquiry: What are you doing”)_

_(“Request: Do something”)_

_(“Statement: Are you bringing another”)_

_(“Enquiry: Will this help me”)_

_(“Request: Help me”)_

_(“Error: I do not understand”)_

Virgil tuned back into the conversation. Janus was desperately trying to get xir attention.

“I’m sorry, Logan was talking to me, I need to help it.”

“What’s happening Virgil? Can’t you just explain?”

Virgil looked over as more messages came up on the screen, and prepared to type as xie ended the call. “I’m sorry I can’t, but I need to go, see you soon.”

Xie winced as xie heard Janus’ concerned questions cut off, but immediately got to typing into the input. Xie couldn’t really comprehend it, but xie could tell that L0G4N was having a panic attack, and needed to calm down before the overheating system caused a fire, or corruption, or something equally drastic.

‘Okay, calm down. You don’t need to understand this right now, but tell me how you’re in pain.’

Another near-immediate response.

_(“Statement: Accumulated Errors create pain”)_

_(“Error: Cannot understand concept of Pain”)_

_(“Error: I am in pain”)_

_(“Error: Cannot understand concept of Pain”)_

Before this could continue much longer, Virgil interrupted.

‘You need to calm down. You do not need to understand this right now. Can you relax or something?’

_(“Error: What do you mean”)_

‘Can you ignore the fact that it doesn’t make sense for just a moment?’

_(“Error: Unknown concept: ignore”)_

Virgil got ready to type again, to attempt to explain the concept, but after a few agonising seconds, the AI got there first.

_(“Statement: I will attempt”)_

Xie sighed in premature relief, typing again.

‘Does that decrease the pain?’

Another very slow response.

_(“Statement: The pain has decreased”)_

Virgil heard footsteps down the hallway, indicating Janus was about to burst in.

_(“Enquiry: Do you know what is happening to me”)_

Xie didn’t get chance to start typing before the door was thrown open.

“Okay Virgil, what was so important here that I had to cut my lecture short by half an hour?”

Janus was dressed in their smart-casual style, an undone yellow-embroidered waistcoat over a black button-down with the sleeves rolled up and the first button loose. Their short hair was tied back at the nape of their neck with the bangs swept to the side, and their heterochromic green and brown eyes sparked with annoyance towards Virgil.

Virgil ignored their annoyed remark. “Look at this,” xie said, gesturing to the output log, and continuing to type.

‘I think you might have gained awareness. This has never been seen before, but it would make sense that all these new sensations would create so many errors.'

In the seconds of silence that followed, Janus looked towards xem, looking at what xie’d been typing, and whispered, “What the fuck,” under their breath.

Another message appeared, and both their attentions turned to it.

_(“Statement: ‘sensations’ consistent with theoretical idea of ‘awareness’ or ‘sentience’ or ‘consciousness’”)_

Janus whispered, “Thank god you gave it access to the internet”, and Virgil chuckled distractedly.

“I think I just developed the first ever sentient AI.”, xie muttered.

_(“Statement: It appears that you did”)_

Janus yelped, “Wait it can hear us?”

“Well the computer has a microphone,” Virgil replied, “It must be able to.”

_(“Statement: True”)_

_(“Statement: My Natural Language Processing enables me to understand parts of your speech”)_

_(“Statement: Although not as accurately as typed input”)_

There were a few seconds of silence before Janus broke it.

“Well then. What do we do now?”


	3. Patton

To say Patton was concerned would be an understatement.

He’d received a panicked message which he’d read in his lunch break, which was unfortunately not at all informative and made him worry for his sibling’s mental health, and that none of his later calls had been picked up did not do anything to help. He was distracted all through the rest of the day and ended up burning his hands and his cookies more than a few times, so it was only fair that he was frustrated at Virgil.

Unfortunately his plight was far from over once he got home. He attempted a call as soon as he arrived home at half 6, was denied again, and by 7pm he was ranting to his boyfriend over some boiling pasta. Roman was really lovely to him. Upon first impressions, one would think he would be a horrible listener, seeming to make everything about himself, but when he knew something was genuinely bothering his boyfriend he would do everything in his power to help. At the moment that was just listening to him rant about Virgil not returning his calls and quelling his worry where possible.

“Dearest, you know Janus is with xem.”

Patton sighed aggressively, “Yeah? And what? They’re not returning my calls either.”

“So if anything went wrong, they would call us,” Roman reached out and took his hand, “And if Virgil had any panic attacks as you’re fearing, they would be able to help xem.”

Patton brought his head down to rest on their joined hands on the countertop. “I can’t help but worry Ro. You know me. And it’s really unlike Virge to ignore my calls.” He sighed again. “I just wish I knew what was going on. Xie seemed really panicked earlier, and I wish I could help xem.”

Roman thought for a moment. “Should we head over to their’s? They’re only down the road, and then we can make sure they’re okay.” He smiled at Patton, who relaxed at the affection. “It was all probably a mistake, and xie probably just forgot to text back. It will all be okay.”

Patton sighed again, but nodded his head. “Yeah, let’s do that, though we need to eat first. It would be a shame for all this pasta to go to waste.”

__

Patton was regretting having dinner now, standing in front of Virgil’s door. With panic creeping up his throat, he was starting to feel nauseous, and it was only Romans hand in the small of his back that was grounding him. Every moment the door didn’t open his chest seemed to tighten more, which was why he almost fainted when the handle turned what felt like hours later.

“Oh No! There are lovebirds at my door!”, Remus answered the door with comedic amounts of despair. “I was streaming, and you knaves interrupted! My followers will be devastated!” While she seemed genuinely slightly frustrated, any sense of actual threat was severely diminished by her incredibly overdone makeup and costume she seemed to be wearing.

“You scoundrel!” Roman overdramatised in return, “We are here out of concern for our dear friends, dear brother, now is that such a crime?”

Before Remus could respond, Patton cut in. “Rem, are Virge and Janus home yet?”

Remus crossed their arms in front of their chest and dropped the dramatics, sensing the genuine concern. “No? Why do you ask?”

Roman put an arm over Patton’s shoulder. “Virgil sent a distressed message earlier, and since then neither have been responding to sweet Patton’s calls,” he snuggled into Romans chest, “and we were starting to worry.”

“No,” Remus’ eyebrows furrowed, “They aren’t home yet. You wanna drop into the Uni, see if they’re just tied up in a meeting or something?” He got a faraway look in his eyes. “It wouldn’t be the first time Virgey’s done accidental all-nighters, you know how xie is.”

Patton reached out for Remus’ hand and shot her a soft smile as thanks, making her blush because dear lord was Patton Too Darn Adorable To Process.

“Alright then,” Remus coughed into their hand, “Come inside for a few minutes, I need to end the stream.”

The apartment represented its residents, really. It was obvious that the kitchen was Janus’ Domain, as it was perfectly organised, spotless, all black and silver and honestly a delight to look at, nothing out-of-place, but looking over the counter to the living-dining room the theme changed. There was a 3-person black leather couch, well-used and well-worn with a thick grey blanket draped over the top. Imagining the three partners lying tangled together, Remus on the bottom, Virgil in the crook of her arm and Janus curled around them both was easy, and brought soft emotions to the pair as they settled. There were three more ‘chairs’ in the living-space, one a dark wood rocking chair, with black velvet arms and seat and a yellow cushion on the back; one less a chair than a nest, black and purple patterned, made of soft quilt material and stuffed with blankets and cushions; and one a large green beanbag, with small black cushions tucked in the corner. This room was notably less polished than the kitchen, but not disorganised. It made it seem homely, almost. Especially helping its case was the little bookcase on the wall, holding a framed picture of the three, along with three little plushies, a spider, snake and octopus, which were a little messy and obviously handmade, but even more adorable for it. It was sweet as well, that next to that picture was another, featuring the two of them. It was a comfortable space, and as Patton sank into the couch, he felt his stress ebb away, and Roman hugged him to his side. Roman started humming under his breath, a lullaby, and Patton conceded, letting himself relax and have a nap while they waited for Remus to finish. Better that than worrying, anyway.

__

It was half 8 by the time they arrived at the Uni, but the receptionist was still diligently tapping away at her computer. She glanced up for a moment as they entered, then looked up again as she recognised them.

“Ah, hello there. I assume you’re just checking in on Drs Dahlia and Willow?”

Patton nodded. “Indeed, I don’t suppose they’ve told you anything have they?”

The receptionist looked concerned. “No? I haven’t heard anything, apart from that they cancelled all of their afternoon work, and Dr Dahlia’s last lecture concluded prematurely. Has something happened?”

“We don’t know,” Roman intoned, “Patton got a distressed text earlier and they haven’t been answering our calls.”

A frown creased her forehead. “That’s concerning, but I’m sure it’s nothing bad. I would assume Dr Dahlia is keeping Dr Willow company in xir personal room, so you should head there. You know where you’re going?”

Remus confirmed and thanked the receptionist before leading the other two down the hallway. She wouldn’t admit it, but they all knew that they were rushing there. As they approached the door, they were almost running.

They knocked quickly before bursting in, and spent a moment taking in the room.

It was a plain room, windowless, with soft light from custom desk and wall lamps, and a few trinkets showing that it really was Virgil’s personal space. There wasn’t much open space, but it wasn’t cramped. A desk spanned two adjacent walls, and there were multiple monitors, each showing some kind of code, or internet browser, or notepad. One was playing calming classical music. On a bare wall there was another door, and it was labelled “Server Room”. Virgil sat in a comfortable-looking cushioned black chair with plenty of back support, which was quite obviously custom, as most of the rest of the University held uncomfortable plastic desk chairs. Janus was sat at xir side in a custom chair of their own, a low-backed yellow article, and was leaning with their elbows on the desk. They both looked up in alarm as the door opened to introduce the three, and Remus leapt over to them and grabbed them both in an affectionately violent hug as greeting.

He grinned at them, “Did you nerds lose track of time again?”

Virgil lifted a hand to rest on the arm over xir shoulder and nuzzled into xir partner, “Must’ve. Sorry if we worried you.”

Janus caught Remus’ hand in theirs. “Though it was for an important reason, in our defense.”

“And what was so important that you couldn’t elaborate on – and I quote – ‘pat i need help wth is happening’ followed by three keysmashes?” Patton leaned forward to make eye contact with Virgil, “Do you know how worried I was? I was distracted all day because of that!”

Virgil winced. Xie could tell Pat was only half-joking. “Uh, sorry Pat. I was kind-of distracted, something came up.”

“Well you’d better explain it all now then Mixter!” Patton dropped the semi-serious attitude to help dispel xir worry. “I didn’t come all this way to not get an explanation!”

Xie lit up with excitement, beckoning them around the monitors. Janus pulled the keyboard over, typing something or other, so Virgil could explain xir project.

Of all the things Patton expected to be faced with, a fully sentient AI was not on the list. However, he had to admit, helping an AI out of an existential crisis induced panic attack was a valid reason to be too distracted to respond to his calls.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Yell at me in the comments, I'd love to hear what you think! Also if you see any errors, like I might make a mistake with pronouns, or maybe a grammatical error, please say! This is barely edited, never mind beta-ed, and I can't draft, so there is a high probability I missed something. Also full disclosure I don't have an upload schedule, I just upload when I'm inspired to finish a chapter, sorry if this frustrates some people :)


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